Twisted mind and love
by DAmaratsu
Summary: How do you balance depression, DID, and a slow dissent into madness? Yami doesn't know but he's doing that and nursing a budding love for his best friend's boyfriend.Things aren't quite looking up for Yami. Will you he make it out with the love of his life? read and find out for yourself.
1. Raining lake

He slid down the base of the tree. Raindrops sled down his cheeks like the tears he could not shed. He lay down and looked at the sky feeling empty inside. He stared at the grayness that looked so much like he felt. The rain soaked him but he didn't notice. It just felt like the weight of this bout of depression. The heavy ness, the chill all of it just this despair taking on a more physical form. The rain, with its crystalline drops, described his mood perfectly. He wondered if the rain, the despair would ever end. This episode was lasting longer than the rest. Each and every one was getting more worse and intense then the one before, and he wondered if one day the spell would never end.

He took his gaze away from the sky and with it tried to drive away his empty desolation. He looked to his right and gazed at the small lake whose shore he was laying on. The black sand led to a dark blue lake whose surface rippled with every drop of rain that fell on reeds rose up from the black water's depth, tall green grass swayed in a breeze with the reeds.

He blinked twice before focusing his eyesight on a lily and it's pad that floated on the lake. The lily pad was rich vibrant green, droplets of rain pooled on its shiny surface before flowing off of it and into the lake.

The lily itself was beautiful. The petals were a deep blue and layered. It was in full bloom, proudly displaying a gold center. Rain trickled down the petals in serpentine paths, looking very much like translucent snakes.

He plucked the flower from its pad and held it in front of himself, slowly rolling the stem between his index finger and thumb.A stab of bitterness and pain twisted itself in his heart.

This was _his_ favorite flower.

With his left hand he pulled off a petal and began worrying it into pieces. Bits of the silky petal became dark and crumbled away to fall on his face in ash like specks, until there was nothing left of it. Yami smiled, a glint in his eyes, before he laughed, and there was no small amount of insanity in his eyes and laugh. The petal was so much like himself, broken,dark, and falling to pieces.

Only after he finished laughing did true tears course down his face. The rest of the blue lily left to flutter to the ground limply.


	2. silent screams and School

Sunlight filtered through dark red curtains and an alarm clock beeped annoyingly. Yami rolled over, throwing the covers over his head, he didn't want to go to school not when he had such a rare night of blissful sleep. But...

_**flashback**_

_"Kaiba's hosting A dueling tournament at school on Monday." Yami said factually._

_"Probably trying to take my title of King of Games... Again" Atem retorted, a confident grin gracing his pink full lips. Beautiful amethyst eyes sparkled with mirth and the promise of a challenge, his eyes glinting fuchsia in the afternoon sun._

**_end flashback _**

Yami groaned at the mere thought_. _The thought of Atem joining in the tournament made him want to join too. To see if he could once again enjoy a game of duel monsters. He tried to imagine the excitement of a duel, the joy of a duel well fought, the triumph of victory, but feelings like those where a shadow of a memory. They no longer existed within him, all that was left of a vacant cavity that radiated a frigid cold and numbness.

/Now, now with the negative thoughts Yami/ a voice scolded /It's not healthy, especially so early in the morning./

"Hmmm, 'S not like you care." He mumbled in to the black silk pillows and ruby cushions knowing she would hear him even if it was muffled and quiet, she was after all a voice in his head.

(Enough chit-chat, up and at 'em Yami, Ra's waiting for you to greet the day.)

" Yes sir, Mr. Sir." Yami said dryly, swinging his lean legs off his bed, and slapping the alarm clock to shut it off. After he leisurely making his way through his early morning routine, he put on his uniform which consisted of a crisp white button up shirt, a scarlet tie, and black slacks. As he stepped into the kitchen he saw Mr. Sir leaning against the black granite counter top of the island. He was wearing a dark green camo suit.

"How you doing soldier?" Mr. Sir questioned in a gruff voice.

"Okay." He said with a shrug while grabbing some bread and some eggs. Mr. Sir made a noncommittal sound showing that he had heard Yami's reply, before they descended in to silence. After he finished making himself toast and an omelet he turned to sit down and eat only to discover that Mr. Sir was gone. He stared blankly for a moment at the space that Mr. Sir once occupied.

After finishing up his food and downing a glass of apple juice he washed the dishes and made his way to the front door where his shoes and backpack was waiting for him. He eased himself out the door and locked it behind him, before beginning the trek down the sidewalks toward school. He idle watched Sakura petals fall from their tree branches and cascaded to the ground or floated off in the April breeze.

As he arrived at school he was greeted by Yugi.

" Ohaiyo, Yami!" Yugi called cheerfully a sweet smile gracing his pouty lips which lit up his cherubic face, as he waved toward him. He found himself smiling back softly and he gave a tiny wave in return. Before he was swallowed in bitter resentment toward Yugi. '_He and Atem sure look good together' _he thought darkly, '_no wonder Atem doesn't like me. Yugi's cute, sweet, innocent, and a great duelist, while I'm a messed-up freak, who hears voices, and who can't even pick up a deck and play a stupid game of duel monsters with his heart!'_

**Now, Now don't be like that **a sinister voice purred to him,**That's not true, you and Atem would look much better together, Yugi's just a burden to him, and all you would have to do is-**

/NO! Get back you foul beast Zorc!/ V roared in his head, forcing Zorc back in to the recesses of his mind. He shakily drew in a breath, pushing aside panic and desperation._ It's okay, he's gone, you're not insane, you're in control_ he thought to himself trying to ease his nerves. Once his mind cleared he was able to gather up his wits.

"-ami! can you hear me?! YAMI!" Yami blinked and found himself staring in to two sets of concerned amethyst eyes that were framed by dark sooty eyelashes.

" Yeah, I can hear you Atem." He replied, trying to put on a convincing smile, a smile that he had practiced in the mirror every day. Atem looked like he wanted to say something else, but he was distracted by the rest of the gang showing up. Yami tried not to feel rot disappointed and crushed. He tried not to show how their happiness and jovial greetings ground salt in to the wounds of his shattered heart. It made him want to scream at them, curse them, cry- anything to destroy their perfectness, to break the painful sight of everyone laughing at Joey's jokes just because he couldn't, he had forgotten how to. Things like laughter had long since been consumed in the void of his soul. A pained frown briefly flickered across his face._ But that's okay, I never really knew how to from the start, now did I?_ And he joined them in great peels of laughter, because even an echo of happiness was enough.

_Outoutoutoutoutneedneedtogetoutgetawaycrushingitsc rushingusoutoutout- _most of the day had gone off without a hitch, up until history class. Most of the gang was in this class minus Tristan and Duke. Today we're watching a video of how ancient life in Egypt looked like. Most of the class dozed off or in Seto's case, worked on company business, unlike him who loved Egypt, because it was his roots... and because it reminded him of Atem. After said video their teacher , Mr. Motou, announced that they were going to be working on a project with partners. These partners were going working picked by him and there would be no exceptions, this made everyone groan at the fact that they might not be partnered with one of their friends. Yami tried not to himself hope that he and Atem would be paired together, but even then when it was announced that he would be working with Seto and Atem would be working with Yugi, he felt a little part of himself die on the inside and another part of himself raged about it.

Everyone quickly flocked to their partners, wanting to get as much done as possible in the time they had left. Yami made his way over to Seto's desk which sat in the back of the room next to the window. After standing there for a few minutes, fiddling with his shirt, Seto classed his laptop with a resounding snap, glaring at him in annoyance. He continued to glare at him until he agitatedly motioned for Yami to sit down at the desk to his right. Before Yami had even properly sat down Seto began speaking.

"The point of the project is to take an aspect of ancient Egyptian life, research it, create a short play to act out to the theater class, and create a visual display to go along with it. We will be doing our project on the ancient Egyptian Gods and Goddesses, I will be researching all the information that will go on the display and you will come up with said display and you will create the costumes. We will both create the script for the play." He then promptly went back to his laptop, presumably to either continue his work or begin researching, leaving no room for argument. Yami hastily began the job he was established, mid way through sketching out costumes and poster designs a thought occurred to him. What if Seto didn't like it? What if Mr. Motou- a man he looked up to as a father- didn't like it? What if **Atem** didn't like it?

Yami stared at his paper in horror, his thoughts spiraling in to terror. Yami's breath stuttered in his chest as he tried to choke in air properly. He stumbled up to Mr. Motou's desk trying to explain that he needed to get out, that _ithurtithurtsufficatingnopleasedon'tIdidn'tmeantow edidn'twetried_- and sweet, sweet Mr. Motou understood and excused him from the rest of the class and wrote him a pass in case he needed to stay out longer to collect himself. Yami couldn't find the breath to thank him, but he hoped that Mr. Motou got his gratitude. He hurriedly gathered up his things and fleed out the door of the class in a desperate stumble and to the sanctuary of the abandoned school wing.

Waves of fear and panic cascaded down his spine in cold shivers as his heart fluttered in his chest like a trapped bird, causing his chest to tighten vision zoned in and out and his hands shook and sweat. His throat constricted, bile rose up his esophagus, the acid burning up his throat and stomach before it settled in his gut leaving him feeling nausea. Eventually he managed to bring himself together. He didn't know how long he sat down in the abandoned wing of the school whose walls were covered graffiti. All he knew was that the last period of the day hand already begun and that there were two sets of feet scurrying in his direction.

**AN: I would like to apologize for taking so long to update, I was just hoping for someone to review before I updated, but since that didn't happen I thought I would just go ahead and update since I didn't want to be one of those authors that updated after years or never updated at all. So I hoped you liked it.**

**Read and review, tell me what you liked about it, what you didn't like about, and what you would like to see happen next, I would really appreciate feed back or just simple I love it or faves.**

**I would also like to say that this was in no way meant to insult or offend anyone halo has/had or knows someone who has/had any or all of these disorders, I do not mean to treat these disorders as jokes or things to laugh at, they are very serious things. **

**thank you for reading and I do not own Yugioh.**


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